There are qualities that photograph well. Height. A beautiful smile. A good suit. Shoulders. I am not pretending these things have no effect on me. I am still a woman with functioning eyesight. But the quality that tends to become more attractive the longer I know someone is curiosity. Real curiosity. Not interrogation. Not the conversational equivalent of filling out an application. And definitely not waiting politely for me to stop talking so he can resume discussing himself. I mean the kind of person who actually wants to know things. About you. About the world. About why something works. About why people behave the way they do. About what is around the next corner. There is something incredibly sexy about a man who remains interested in life. Maybe because curiosity is a form of youthfulness that has nothing to do with age. <\/p>\n
I\u2019ve met young people who already seem bored by everything. And I’ve met older men whose eyes still light up when they discover something new. I know which one I would rather have dinner with. I love a man who can say, “I don’t know.” That may sound like a very low bar, but apparently it is not. There is tremendous pressure, particularly on successful men, to know. They are supposed to have the answer. They run companies. They manage people. They make decisions. They are accustomed to being asked what everyone else should do. So I find it oddly charming when a very accomplished man can look at something and simply say, “Huh. I have no idea. Let’s find out.” That is confidence. Not pretending to know everything. Being secure enough not to. <\/p>\n
The curious man is fun to travel with because he doesn’t merely want to see what he already recognizes. He wants to turn down the strange little street. He wants to try the thing on the menu he cannot pronounce. He asks the bartender how the drink is made. He notices architecture. He wonders who used to live in the old house. He wants to know why everyone in this village paints their doors blue. He does not treat the world as scenery provided for his convenience. He engages with it. And this makes him a much more interesting companion. It also makes him a better flirt. Curious people pay attention. They remember details. You mention, casually, that you once wanted to learn to sail. Three weeks later he sends you a photograph of an antique sailboat and says, “Would you?” That is infinitely more seductive than receiving the same generic compliment for the hundredth time. <\/p>\n
Yes, tell me I look beautiful. I am not going to stop you. But then ask me something. What did I think about when I was a child? What place changed me? What would I do if nobody could ever find out? What am I embarrassingly bad at? What do I believe now that I didn’t believe ten years ago? There is intimacy in being asked an interesting question. We reveal ourselves through answers we didn’t prepare in advance. I think that’s why the best conversations can feel almost like travel. You begin in one place and have absolutely no idea where you’re going to end up. Maybe we start with wine. Then somehow we’re discussing memory. Then artificial intelligence. Then childhood pets. Then whether people become more themselves as they age or less. Then someone tells an outrageous story. Then we’re laughing. Then suddenly the restaurant staff is stacking chairs around us and we realize we’ve been talking for four hours. That is one of my favorite kinds of evening. <\/p>\n
And curiosity protects people from becoming rigid. We all have opinions. I certainly do. Some of them are undoubtedly correct. Obviously. But one of the least attractive things a person can become is completely certain about everything. A man who already knows what every city is like, every person is like, every generation is like, every restaurant is like, every woman is like\u2014what exactly are we supposed to discuss? The verdict has already been delivered. Curiosity leaves room. Room for surprise. Room for people to contradict your expectations. Room to discover that the terrible restaurant has one incredible dish. Room to realize that someone you initially misunderstood is wonderful. Room to change your mind without behaving as though you have suffered a moral injury. I’ve always admired people who can update themselves. It seems like one of the essential skills of being alive. The world changes. We change. If your opinions never do, you may not be paying attention. <\/p>\n
And there is another kind of curiosity I love: curiosity about oneself. A man who occasionally wonders why he reacts the way he does. Who can laugh and say, “I have no idea why that bothers me so much.” Who knows that he has blind spots because everyone has blind spots. Who is capable of examining his own life with affection rather than defensiveness. This is rare. And deeply attractive. It makes relationships easier, obviously. But more than that, it makes a person interesting. Because truly curious people never become finished products. They are always adding rooms. So yes, I like a beautiful suit. I like a great smile. I like a man who smells wonderful. I am human. But if you really want to keep my attention? Be interested. Ask the second question. Look something up. Take the detour. Admit when you don’t know. Change your mind occasionally. Wonder about things. The world is enormous and strange and funny and briefly ours. How could anyone possibly be bored?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
There are qualities that photograph well. Height. A beautiful smile. A good suit. Shoulders. I am not pretending these things have no effect on me. I am still a woman with functioning eyesight. But the quality that tends to become more attractive the longer I know someone is curiosity. Real curiosity. Not interrogation. Not the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5582","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n